Week 10/11 of Lockdown

Ten and a half weeks of lockdown and 12 + weeks of Hollys new placement – I think – I’m no longer sure! 😆😆😆 In my last blog post I said I was a ‘ponderer’ and I am always so indecisive! But does anyone know what they’re supposed to be doing?Things are going to happen, then they’re not. Things are changing but not yet… I’m trying not to worry about it but I know it’s lurking in the back of my mind. The migraine yesterday confirmed it! But we have had a lovely week or two weather wise which meant we could meet Holly 3 times in a park near her home.

It was so lovely to see her and to see her happy and smiley. (The ice cream may have helped!😆) As lockdown eases we will hopefully be able to spend more time with her.

We’ve also had some lovely FaceTime calls.

This one outside Nanna’s house singing happy birthday.

In between the visits and work I’ve been trying to keep sane by walking the dog lots. We are lucky to live in a beautiful village with lots of paths and walkways. Poppy- dog has loved it and as usual has carried round a feather.

We’ve always said getting a dog was therapy for us all. She’s certainly been that these past 10+ weeks.

Poppy dog

So as another week ends and as lockdown is slowly easing hopefully things will slowly and gradually get back to normal – not that our normal has ever been normal! 🤣🤣🤣 Or will it…

Some days it feels like this character is making all the decisions

Or maybe this is just me deciding whether or not to go to the shop! 🤣🤣🤣

Week 9 of lockdown

So 9 weeks in lockdown, 11 weeks of Holly’s new placement. Wow 9 weeks!! That’s a long time! Longer than a half term in school!

Now I know already that I am an ‘over thinker’ and I have to ‘ponder’ everything! Even though I have been going to work, like a lot of other people, I’ve hardly been anywhere else. It’s taken me 4 days of ‘pondering’ to gather the courage to go to the garden centre. I did it but I found I was very anxious. I nearly gave up in the queue a few times. I had “it’s not essential! You only want herbs!!” Going round and round my head. But I waited, something I haven’t done for a long time with Holly – she just doesn’t do waiting at all. But I did it , got the herbs and a few extras! 😆😆😆. As I got to the end (I had somehow managed to miss part of it??) I panicked as I was suddenly at the til on a one way system, someone behind me and I wanted plant food! I ended up with two different lots of the same food??? 🙈 (Other plant foods are available)

Now I have been going out to work some weeks, which was really strange at first but I’ve not been to a big shop just our small village shop and the chemist a few times so I felt really anxious. I know I have friends who haven’t been out at all and many have said they are starting to worry about just going out. There are going to be many people who are scared to go out anywhere. I have said from the beginning of lockdown that the longer it goes on the more mental health issues we will have. It may take time to get used to the new way of shopping and maybe after a while it will become the new ‘norm’? I know I won’t be going again soon as I will have to ‘ponder’ it for at least 4 days! 😆😆😆

I have been out to a park though. The highlight of this week and right at the end, after a long week at work, we met up with Holly.

It was less than an hour as this is the most Holly can manage on one activity but it was so lovely to see her. She was calm(ish) and happy and looked really well. We walked around the park for a bit and then had a snack/drink and then Tim went and got Holly an ice cream from the shop. This I think was Hollys highlight! 😊 and it was so good to see her smile. It helps me to cope with the anxieties I still have about her not being here with us.

If you are struggling with the thought of going out or have any other worries please talk to someone. These are tough times and you’re doing great. I’m always here for a chat and I might even go to the shop with you – local obviously and with social distancing of course! 😊

This week though it’s half term so I’m going to stay home with my ‘shadow’…

Seriously though, If you need to talk you can always contact

Samaritans 116123 https://www.samaritans.org/

Mind website

Week 8 of Lockdown

Week 8 of Lockdown, 10 weeks of Hollys new placement. Last week I struggled with everything and I felt really low but this week… I’m back!

Wow yes 10 weeks… wasn’t sure I would ever be able to say that but Holly has settled and is getting on really well. We’ve had a few FaceTime calls this week and Holly has been calm and happy. We will hopefully start making plans to meet her in a park/open space or somewhere very soon – which will take meticulous planning and organisation (as anything to do with Holly always does anyway! 😆😆)

With this in mind, the fact I’m in work this week and hay fever I think, we went to get ourselves tested for Covid-19. Now that is a surreal experience, very strange, not least the fact it was at a local airport!! Now I’ve never been to this airport, in fact I’ve not been to an airport since our infamous trip to Disneyland Paris over 7 years ago! Never Again! That’s a whole different story! Anyway… the testing station was set up in the airport car park, a huge space with lots of staff in hi-vis and masks, gloves & face shields. We could have been on the film set of ‘Contagion’!! Every thing is done in your car. They chuck the test pack in. You park up and follow the instructions and then you chuck it out your car into a box!! Done!

This was definitely a different learning experience this week!! And the result came via a text. (Negative) But we’re living in strange times and we needed to check before we meet Holly and before I go into work, which will be all the time after half term. Well I don’t want to get into that right now but what I will say is there is no right or wrong answer to children returning to school on the 1st June. I think everyone needs to decide what is best for them and their families. And most important, others who may have a different opinion need to respect the decisions of others. Be kind. You don’t know everyone’s circumstances. Holly has been attending school the whole time as she is a vulnerable child and had just started a new placement.

Another thing I’ve learnt during lockdown is that there is a Facebook page for absolutely EVERYTHING!! (Other social media platforms are available!) Yes I’ve discovered many… there’s virtual music groups, crafty groups of all kinds, virtual pubs…. I especially like the one where people recreate famous works of art with things they have in there homes eg Edvard Munich’s ‘The Scream’ created using a slice of bread and some ketchup! 😆😆😆

But my absolute favorite this week has to be the page dedicated to the queues at local supermarkets and shops! Now to be honest I’ve not actually been to a supermarket but it’s great for people watching/spotting and lets face it there’s not a lot to talk about in lockdown but I have found myself saying, a couple of times, “oo big queue at Tesco” or “There’s no queue at Aldi!” Shortly followed by, “Oh no wait that was 3 hours ago!” 😆😆😆😆

Well all entertaining and harmless fun. Hope everyone is ok. Remember you’re doing great. We can get through this together. ❤️❤️ I just want to end with picture I posted this week. Keep smiling!

Week 7 of Lockdown

So 7 weeks of lockdown, 9 weeks of Hollys new placement and I’m struggling to write something this week. It’s been a see-saw kind of a week. It started great and was really positive. So so happy to get to see Holly on Tuesday as she had a hospital appointment that we needed to attend. It was for a barium X-ray to see if she has a hairball (see previous blog Hair today, gone tomorrow… or is it? ) Good news the fabulous carers managed to get her to actually have the X-ray even better news… there is no hairball! But the best news of all … after 8 long weeks we actually got to see Holly. ❤️💗❤️💗

This was the best feeling ever and the highlight of the past two months! Then thursday was grandads birthday which was weird as we could only stand outside his house to sing to him and give him his presents and cake. But from then it’s gone down hill, the polar opposite to the positive feeling I had at the beginning of the week. Increased anxiety over what’s going to happen next, when will we see Holly again? That there is change ahead and another new lifestyle to learn – a “normal” lifestyle – something we haven’t had for 14 years! The guilt of not being there for Holly again. Not great. Struggling to get myself motivated or feeling positive at all. So one of the things I have learnt this week is your mental health can change from happy and positive one day to the complete opposite the next. I’m sure many people are feeling this at this uncertain time and that’s ok and understandable. So be kind to each other, be there for each other and as the lockdown is loosened I think we may see the impact it’s all had on peoples mental health not only for adults but also for children. Be there to listen and support wherever you can. I will always be here. Luckily my friends are keeping me going and we can still FaceTime Holly which helps. This was her on Saturday.

That smile always cheers me up. Just can’t wait to see her in person again.

So, as always, I’m trying to find something happy/fun to end this post on… since we’ve been in lockdown and at home for most of it I’ve also learnt that Poppy dog likes to follow me around but spends most of the day asleep! And she can sleep anywhere… 😆😆😆

And in all different positions! And she snores! 🤣🤣🤣

Here’s a previous post about “Poppy dog”. Poppy dog – one year on

Hopefully by next week I will be feeling much more positive and will find writing something easier.

Take care. Stay safe.

Week 7 of Lockdown

So 7 weeks of lockdown, 9 weeks of Hollys new placement and I’m struggling to write something this week. It’s been a see-saw of a week. It started great and was really positive. So so happy to get to see Holly on Tuesday as she had a hospital appointment that we needed to attend. It’s was for a barium X-ray to see if she has a hairball (see previous blog

Week 6 of Lockdown

Week 6 of lockdown done and 8 weeks of Hollys new placement. Firstly Holly is getting on great. She’s settling nicely and into a routine with school, walks, car rides etc. Still some incidents but not as often. We’ve had some lovely FaceTime calls this weekend. But I still really miss her so much and can’t wait to give her a hug.

I can’t help thinking that six weeks of lockdown is the same length as the uk Summer school holidays. We’ve had 14 years experience of those 🙈 – some went ok and others we barely survived! I used to go back to work for a rest! I keep wondering what would have happened if Holly hadn’t got her new residential placement. Six weeks holiday was hard enough but at least we had help – varying amounts of respite care or short breaks support – depending on the year and if we had carers at the time – and of course we had invaluable help from grandparents. And we also knew that after six weeks we would be preparing to go back to school and back to routine. But if we didn’t have any of that I don’t think we would have emotionally, mentally or physically coped especially now as Holly is so tall and much stronger than me and with her lack of recognising danger- I’m not sure we would have been safe! Six weeks of lockdown and not being able to see anyone would have been hell for Holly. People are very important to her she needs to know where everyone is or to see them. We are SO grateful for the team of carers at Hollys care home that have just carried on through this difficult time and Hollys school who recognised the need for Holly to have some familiar people and routine to help her settle in and have carried on.

I also keep thinking about all the families with children with additional or special needs. I know what it must be like at this time and the fact that there is no definite end to it all, no plan for things to get back to normal as yet is just so difficult. But I would like to say to you … you are doing a great job. If your child is fed, watered and safe then that is all that matters! Forget homeschooling just stay safe and be happy. Remember always do what is right for your child and your family, sometimes you need to ignore what others think but never be afraid to ask for help. You are amazing.

Which brings me to what I have learnt this week. Well I’ve been at work all week which I find stressful and strange in these times. But it was great again to see some of my work colleagues. Just being able to chat to them, reassure and help each other was great. In fact being able to chat, message, phone any of my friends is the best thing to come out of this lockdown. I am really missing the people in my life. It’s not WHAT you have in your life that’s important but WHO you have in your life. And that also includes our furry friends. 🐶

I already knew this but this strange time has just reinforced it. I really miss spending time with my dad and I know he is finding it extremely difficult. Its important to check on your family and friends regularly.

I’m missing spending time with my family and friends but I hope you all know that I am always here for you – just on the end of a message, call or text at anytime. Please remember that. ❤️

If you missed my blog on the most difficult decision we ever made – moving Holly into a residential care home – here it is

My head is a shed

And an old blog about summer holidays The dreaded summer holidays

Week 5 of lockdown…

So week 5 of Lockdown, 7 weeks of Hollys new placement. I’m sure the weeks are getting longer!! I’m finding it increasingly more difficult as the weeks go on. Not so much the lockdown and social distancing etc – I can happily find things to do and occupy myself at home – think part of that comes from growing up as an only child. But every week is another week of not seeing Holly, not having a Holly hug, the head lock or the hair sniff. That I’m struggling with at the end of this week. And there’s at least another two weeks of lockdown to go. I’ve waited all weekend for a FaceTime call with Holly til this evening and it somehow didn’t seem as successful – maybe we’ve just been lucky the last couple of times. Lets face it doing anything with a child with Autism can be unpredictable. It’s just left me feeling really low and more anxious about Holly and the whole virus thing. 😢 I’m not sure how much Holly understands about the lockdown and why we can’t see her. I worry that she might think that we no longer care about her and I can only hope that she knows we miss her and that we still love her so much. 💙💙

Trying not to dwell on things … tomorrow is another day. I need to think positive… I’m in work this week!

So trying to think of the positives that have come out of this week… what have I learnt … well, even though we are all at home in the lockdown outside the natural world is thriving (probably better than us!) and it’s something I’m sure all of us will appreciate so much more after all this. Most days I have loved going to see these gorgeous ducklings on our daily dog walk.

They brighten my day. Even Poppy dog has enjoyed seeing them.

I love springtime; the wildlife, the flowers, the birds. It’s beautiful.

Another thing I have learnt, or I should say had pointed out to me, is that I possibly talk to the dog a bit too much. 😆😆😆 And when I’m not talking to the dog I am singing made up songs about the dog which apparently is really embarrassing when you’re on FaceTime to your mates!! Really? Who me? Embarrassing? 🤷🏻‍♀️😆😆😆

Hope you’re all keeping safe and well and surviving. Maybe you’ve got your own survival strategies or maybe you’ve learned something new, maybe a new skill? I’d love to hear from you or if you need to chat, rant etc I’m always here to listen and help if I can. 💙

Week 4 of lockdown… what I have learnt

So that’s week 4 of lockdown done and week 6 of Holly’s placement and I’m missing her more than ever. But we have been FaceTiming. She’s happy and is settling in well. I’ve been trying to keep busy to take my mind off missing her. I’ve even done a few jobs on the list of ‘things to do when I have time!’ A few things! This week though my biggest achievement was that I have learnt how to crochet. Something I’ve wanted to do for ages. I’ve crocheted flowers and hearts to make bunting and a fiddle/threading toy for Holly but I’m not quite at jumper making standards yet!

See my blog earlier this week Lockdown continues

I’ve also learnt that my slippers are not going to survive lockdown! 🙈😆😆😆 Staying in means wearing slippers a lot more than usual. Yes the slippers are well past their best! Poppy dog chewing them or running off and leaving them in the garden hasn’t helped and it looks like I need to get some new ones.

Hope you are all staying safe and your slippers are surviving!

Lockdown continues…

This has been the longest week ever! I am missing Holly so much. I’d do anything to give her a hug. But we’ve got at least 3 more weeks of lockdown. Which means 3 weeks before we can see her.

This week I’ve tried to keep busy so I’ve learnt a knew skill… crochet! I bought some wool from good old Aldi a while ago but didn’t know what to do with it. I started with flowers and then advanced to hearts. I’ve even made bunting for outside.

Today I’ve found it difficult. Trying to occupy myself and my mind. Then I had an idea. I recently had a conversation with the care home manager about how Holly shreds her clothes and we could maybe try a jumper with holes already in it, maybe crocheted? No! I’m not up to jumper crocheting standard yet! But thought I could send her some of my hearts and flowers. See Holly also loves to thread things – shoe laces, any kind of string or handle into ANYTHING with a hole in it and if it hasn’t got a hole she will make one!

So I’ve made a couple of fiddle/threading toys. Holly also loves heart shaped things. So … Perfect! Lots of holes to thread the ribbon. So I’m going to post these and see how she gets on.

Just hoping things will be back to normal soon and we can visit Holly. Until then, Stay strong and stay safe everyone.

Here’s a link to the post I wrote about shredding The Master Shredder

Week 3 of lockdown – things I have learnt…

Week 3 of lockdown, week 5 of Hollys placement – the week when we should have been arranging to visit her but because of social distancing it was not possible – and who knows when It will be? 😩

It was more a week of realizations rather than new things learned! I was working – although it was far from my normal working week. A different school, 6 children from across the primary age range. It was great to catch up them though as I have taught most of them at some point. We tried to keep it fun but there was always the constant reminder of the virus – keeping 2 meters apart, constant hand washing & not touching everything. Trying to keep upbeat and cheerful even though these children are just as worried as we are! And the most stressful part was travelling- just going out of the house was really really stressful! But it was great to see some work friends – But I haven’t been able to walk properly for two days after doing the Oti Mabusse online Spider-Man dance on Thursday! 😆😆😆 I know already that I love my job but I didn’t think I would miss it so much- the normality of my working day (which is usually just mornings not full days – my choice this week) My own class and classroom, the kids and their families, the staff, the curriculum – missing them all.

The next thing I’ve realised I love is the beauty of nature. I love trees. I love them in winter, in autumn, in summer but most of all… spring. I love blossom and spring flowers. I think having to stay in makes the blossom even more beautiful when you go out and see it. I miss the tree lined blossom trees in our local town – always makes me smile. Luckily our next door neighbour has some gorgeous blosssom trees.

Ours are not so good this year as I decided to ‘prune’ them in the autumn last year!! 🙈

The last thing I’ve realised this week is… that long list of things to do when I have time – and believe me it’s massive – it’s been growing rapidly over the last 14 years!! Well it appears that it’s got nothing to do with time. In the last 3 weeks I’ve done one thing on the list (cupboard under stairs!) But I have spent lots of time writing more lists, procrastinating about what to do next and even talking about what I’m going to do but not actually doing any of it! Oops! 🙈 Oh well I’m sure I’ll get to a point where I am that bored I will get on with it! 🤣🤣🤣 Maybe…